Beginnings and endings might be scary, but it's the middle that counts the most

The fact that I'm actually going home soon is starting to sink in. I've been a terrible blogger but with only a few weeks left in the US, I thought it would be nice to write something to kind of sum up my experience here, but like on a deeper level than just stuff I've done. I don't know, we'll see how this works out, I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this yet. So, please sit back, relax, and enjoy the show :)

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Ten months ago I packed a suitcase, left everything I had known for 16 years, and crossed an ocean to start from scratch. That was by far the hardest thing I've ever done, but it was also by far the best thing I've ever done!

When I first left Finland the idea of eventually going back home made me really happy. Of course it still does, but it's different now. I've met people, made friends, seen things, made memories... This place is home for me now; I'm leaving home to go home.

Mom, Andy, Elena, and Casie,

I never thought I would consider anyone who's not related to me "family". Well, here I am with a new set of parents and sisters. You have made me feel like a part of the family since the moment I first walked in the house. The things you have done for me are things family do for each other. They say "the home is where the heart is" and because of you a part of my heart will always be in Florida. It's very sad to think that we won't be able to experience every important milestone in our lives together as a family, but I know that whenever something important happens to me in the future you'll be in my thoughts.

Äiti, Pappa och Allu, 

Tack för allt er stöd, utan er skulle jag inte ha klarat av det här året. Det har varit jätte svårt att inte se er varje dag! Att ha hemlängtan har fått mig att inse vad som på riktigt är viktigast för mig. Det handlar inte om att sakna rågbröd, snö, att åka skidor eller bada bastu. Det jag har saknat är små detaljer som betyder allt för mig: doften av mammas tuoksukynttilän, kramitajm, att gå till matbutiken, pakastepizza på söndagskvällar, eller att få skjuts till skolan när det är -25 grader ute. Jag tror att det här året har varit bra för oss och att vi är en tiukempi paketti än någonsin förr! Snart ses vi igen :)

I had heard from others that your exchange year will change your life forever. I don't like change... I like consistency and organization in my life, and I'm a big fan of doing things the way they've always been done. Change has always scared me and right now I'm more scared than ever, because what has changed is not just the place I'm in or the people around me. What has changed is me. Of course I realized that when you move abroad things change: you live with new people, you speak a different language, you go to a new school, you have to make new friends, you eat different foods, pay with different money, wear different clothes. All of that has happened, but the biggest changes happen on the inside. My values have changed, I'm a lot more open-minded, I'm not nervous about little things anymore, I realize it's okay to make mistakes, I appreciate the small things in life. I've learnt that what's meant to be, will be, but sometimes you have to give fate a helping hand in making it happen. I've learnt that there will be good times and bad times, but they're both a part of life, and there will always be a rainbow after the rain. I've learnt that you should listen more than you talk. And most important, I've learnt that I'm capable of doing so much more than I ever thought I was.

I went into this exchange year as an insecure almost 17 year-old girl thinking "just go with it and you'll be fine". That is by far the best thing I've ever told myself because now I end my exchange year as a little stronger soon-to-be grown-up woman. I still don't have any idea what I'm doing or where I'm going, but that's okay because I'll figure it out eventually!

Thank you to everyone who's been a part of my life this year! Every single person I've met has influenced me in some way, and I can only hope I've had an impact on your lives too. I'm going to miss Florida so much and I'll definitely come back to visit soon! You'll be in my heart forever :)

" Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience. "

Do not forget about me!
Amanda